"Nederwereld" is intended to be Dutch for Lowerworld.
“Oulanem: A Tragedy” by Karl Marx: “My plan is made – you are its very soul, Yes, you, Oulanem, are its very life. Would you work Destiny as 'twere a puppet?” … “Now quick, the die is cast, and all is ready; Destroy what only poetry's lie contrived, A curse shall finish what a curse conceived.”
1) I intended my fictional entry to be serious because I considered the very real position exposed by it to also be serious. In keeping with the style of a press release, I also tried to write in a distant, third-person voice.
The lesson I learned from the reader comments is that justifying an evil deed in a cold, clinical, dispassionate, technical manner can have the effect of being "chilling" and "scary" ... even "inhuman".
2) I polished the phrasing between draft and post, but most importantly I removed 25% from the draft (mostly actual scary quotes from actual scary environmentalists) because I realized they were ultimately redundant, and probably misplaced in a “press release”.
The lesson here is that my entry was made better by leave out "the kitchen sink".
3) Of all the entries submitted for consideration this week, the best in my opinion was a story, not a press release as called for. It upset me that, owing to my own slavish adherence to rules, I could not bring myself to vote for it on grounds of a mere technicality. My own rigidity bothered me then and it still bothers me now - I feel I should have been able to simply vote for the best writing even if it didn't conform to the rules.
So, my last lesson learned is that you can do something good by following the rules, but you can do something great by following your muse.
Don't feel bad about not voting for Vidad. Although Henry said he left it to our own judgement, according to Bruce the reason for a specific challenge is to make it easier to judge. Comparing apples to apples. I voted for you, and not Vidad, because of this. My entry was better for neglecting to re-read the conditions of the challenge the night I wrote it, I suspect, but I don't deserve props for that.
Be calmed. I wrote my story without expecting it to fall into the judging at all. Knowing the rules, I ditched them in order to write something completely different - and more personally satisfying. I use the FC as a launchpad to jog my mind.
Your writing is good and your mind is sharp. Glad you're here.
In a curious coincidence, on the Sunday night between submitting my "Liquidation" piece and learning the "Greenspace" Challenge winner, I happened to hear on the radio a reading of the following poem. This socialist didn't seem to have a high opinion of man's nature.
"The Sabbath", by W.H. Auden
Waking on the Seventh Day of Creation, They cautiously sniffed the air: The most fastidious nostril among them admitted That fellow was no longer there.
Herbivore, parasite, predator scouted, Migrants flew fast and far-- Not a trace of his presence: holes in the earth, Beaches covered with tar,
Ruins and metallic rubbish in plenty Were all that was left of him Whose birth on the Sixth had made of that day An unnecessary interim.
Well, that fellow had never really smelled Like a creature who would survive: No grace, address or faculty like those Born on the First Five.
Back, then, at last on a natural economy, Now His Impudence was gone, Looking exactly like what it was, The Seventh Day went on,
Beautiful, happy, perfectly pointless.... A rifle's ringing crack Split their Arcadia wide open, cut Their Sabbath nonsense short.
For whom did they think they had been created? That fellow was back, More bloody-minded than they remembered, More god-like than they thought.
I must say, I do fear those who have a high opinion of man's nature apart from God. Those who believe man is good seem to commit the most horrifying evils.
But I also fear those who deny our imputed worth from above.
8 comments:
Author’s Notes
DON’T PANIC - This is a work of fiction.
"Nederwereld" is intended to be Dutch for Lowerworld.
“Oulanem: A Tragedy” by Karl Marx:
“My plan is made – you are its very soul,
Yes, you, Oulanem, are its very life.
Would you work Destiny as 'twere a puppet?”
…
“Now quick, the die is cast, and all is ready;
Destroy what only poetry's lie contrived,
A curse shall finish what a curse conceived.”
[shiver]
"the collective Unity of Nature supersedes the insignificant considerations of individual human suffering"
[double shiver]
This post was submitted for The Friday Challenge named "The Greenspace Press Release":
See Challenge Posting
See Entries and Comments
See Roundup and Winner
1) I intended my fictional entry to be serious because I considered the very real position exposed by it to also be serious. In keeping with the style of a press release, I also tried to write in a distant, third-person voice.
The lesson I learned from the reader comments is that justifying an evil deed in a cold, clinical, dispassionate, technical manner can have the effect of being "chilling" and "scary" ... even "inhuman".
2) I polished the phrasing between draft and post, but most importantly I removed 25% from the draft (mostly actual scary quotes from actual scary environmentalists) because I realized they were ultimately redundant, and probably misplaced in a “press release”.
The lesson here is that my entry was made better by leave out "the kitchen sink".
3) Of all the entries submitted for consideration this week, the best in my opinion was a story, not a press release as called for. It upset me that, owing to my own slavish adherence to rules, I could not bring myself to vote for it on grounds of a mere technicality. My own rigidity bothered me then and it still bothers me now - I feel I should have been able to simply vote for the best writing even if it didn't conform to the rules.
So, my last lesson learned is that you can do something good by following the rules, but you can do something great by following your muse.
Don't feel bad about not voting for Vidad. Although Henry said he left it to our own judgement, according to Bruce the reason for a specific challenge is to make it easier to judge. Comparing apples to apples. I voted for you, and not Vidad, because of this. My entry was better for neglecting to re-read the conditions of the challenge the night I wrote it, I suspect, but I don't deserve props for that.
Miko,
I greatly appreciate your kind words!
Be calmed. I wrote my story without expecting it to fall into the judging at all. Knowing the rules, I ditched them in order to write something completely different - and more personally satisfying. I use the FC as a launchpad to jog my mind.
Your writing is good and your mind is sharp. Glad you're here.
In a curious coincidence, on the Sunday night between submitting my "Liquidation" piece and learning the "Greenspace" Challenge winner, I happened to hear on the radio a reading of the following poem. This socialist didn't seem to have a high opinion of man's nature.
"The Sabbath", by W.H. Auden
Waking on the Seventh Day of Creation,
They cautiously sniffed the air:
The most fastidious nostril among them admitted
That fellow was no longer there.
Herbivore, parasite, predator scouted,
Migrants flew fast and far--
Not a trace of his presence: holes in the earth,
Beaches covered with tar,
Ruins and metallic rubbish in plenty
Were all that was left of him
Whose birth on the Sixth had made of that day
An unnecessary interim.
Well, that fellow had never really smelled
Like a creature who would survive:
No grace, address or faculty like those
Born on the First Five.
Back, then, at last on a natural economy,
Now His Impudence was gone,
Looking exactly like what it was,
The Seventh Day went on,
Beautiful, happy, perfectly pointless....
A rifle's ringing crack
Split their Arcadia wide open, cut
Their Sabbath nonsense short.
For whom did they think they had been created?
That fellow was back,
More bloody-minded than they remembered,
More god-like than they thought.
Heh. Pleasantly negative.
I must say, I do fear those who have a high opinion of man's nature apart from God. Those who believe man is good seem to commit the most horrifying evils.
But I also fear those who deny our imputed worth from above.
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